


Snape's Puppet

by Doctor_Who_Cares



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anal Fisting, Crack, Gen, M/M, but not really, general silliness, snarry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-01
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-05-17 01:26:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14822603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doctor_Who_Cares/pseuds/Doctor_Who_Cares
Summary: Harry finds himself in an awkward predicament, Snape helps him out of it.





	Snape's Puppet

' _Shit! Shit! Shit! What do I do?!_ ' Harry thought to himself, frantically kneeling on his bed in the Gryffindor dorm. Fingers plunged deep into his arse desperately trying to reach his wand which he had, in what Harry could only describe as a fit or madness, shoved up there.

' _No no no. Get out!_ ' He groaned as though if he willed it enough it would come out, trying to push his fingers further up... he could barely even feel the end of his wand by this point. He twisted a bit more, hoping to reach further up but just moved back immediately when he felt the wand shift inside him. ' _Bloody hell!_ ' Since when was his wand this sharp.

Taking deep breaths he tried to calm himself. He didn't think he'd be able to get it out on his own. Possibly not ever even with help. Not that he could really _ask_ for help. Who would he even go to? It's not like he could go to Ron - he wasn't sure but he didn't think that was what friends did for each other. Or at least he figured he'd be pretty unwilling to help if Ron was in the same situation.

He couldn't even _imagine_ asking Hermione. Apart from a lecture on not doing things like that he didn't think going to a girl was... _appropriate_.

That disqualified most of the teachers. He guessed he'd end up having to go to one. He _really_ didn't want to.

There were only four male teachers.

Binn's he disqualified straight away since he was a ghost and therefore wouldn't be a great help.

Hagrid? _No way!_ He nearly killed Harry with his hugs, he was not trusting him with something so delicate.

Flitwick then? No. He could _not_ go to Flitwick. Not in this kind of state. He'd never be able to look him in the eye again.

That left Snape.

"No, I'll just have to get it out myself. I'm sure I can do it." Harry said with a resolve he did not feel.

After an hour of trying every possible position for putting his fingers up his ass - each with varying degrees of success though the end result was either he pushed the wand further inside himself or couldn't reach at all.

He could hear people in the common room and knew people would be coming up soon. He couldn't do it even if his silencing spells were still around his bed.

He was grateful he hadn't spelled the door locked or he'd be stuck in the dorm with his wand rubbing him uncomfortably from the inside, like a perverted Russian doll. Imagining how he'd have got out if he had locked the door; all he could really think of was wiggling his butt the way one would wave a wand, and despite his complete discomfort and despair, the thought made him snigger.

He knew he had to go for help. He just didn't like his only choice. He wondered if it was worth going to Flitwick and failing Charms. Eventually though he decided he didn't really mind dropping out of potions and Snape already hated him, so he didn't think this was likely to make their relationship much worse.

He pulled on some loose trousers and a shirt not drenched in sweat, before heaving himself up and doing some practise laps to make sure he could walk somewhat normally. Once he was certain no one would notice he braved the common room - what he hadn't factored in was the stairs to the common room.

" _Aaaaaghh_." Harry groaned, like a pubescent cat being strangled.

Several people rushed to the bottom of the stairs to find out what or who had made the noise. Harry blushed at the eyes on him and the noise he'd made, though it wasn't particularly distinguishable from the blush of having something lodged in your arse indefinitely.

"Peeves." He tried to shrug casually, everyone nodded bored now and went back to what they were doing. No one noticed Harry's slow cautious steps down the stairs.

' _How the fuck was he supposed to make it to the dungeons unless he found Hogwarts secret elevator or something._ '

The steps didn't get easier with practise or time, and by the time he'd got the dungeon he was practically crippled.

He realised much too late that he was Harry Potter, could barely walk, was in an incredibly embarrassing situation and was about to enter the place most densely populated with Slytherins. He _really_ didn't want to bump into anyone, namely Malfoy.

He ducked awkwardly behind every other suit of armour, wincing every time, desperately wishing he'd never got himself into this situation.

Finally he was at Snape's office door. He didn't even think before knocking - the journey had been too painful and difficult to even entertain the idea of going back or thinking of something else. He was sure what was normally a ten minute stroll for him had taken him over an hour. And that wasn't even including getting out of Gryffindor tower.

"Enter." Came Snape's usual clipped reply.

Harry walked in. Snape looked him up and down, his face betraying nothing but Harry knew the man must have noticed his strange walking.

"What do you want?" Snape asked, obviously not pleased to see Harry.

"I... um... I need some... help." Harry stuttered - he didn't want to explain what had happened.

" _No_. Now will that be all?" The potions professor asked, lifting a stack of papers into his desk having already moved on from Harry and whatever his problem was.

"Please sir, it's... urgent." Harry pleaded, looking down nervously.

" _Oh_?" Severus asked, looking up and leaning forwards on his chair, resting his chin on his hands and giving Harry an intense look that made him feel as though he were on trial. "And what, pray tell, is so urgent that you need my help?"

"I... um... well... it's... I don't..." Harry struggled when he'd tried to think of how to put it; he'd pictured himself as more confident and somewhat competent at forming coherent sentence, but it was bloody hard under Snape's glare.

"Do you intend to just waste my time Potter?" Snape asked, tiredly.

"No. I just can't... I have a problem."

"It would be difficult to need help it you _didn't_ have a problem. Now tell me your problem so I can deem it unworthy of my time."

Harry grit his teeth and summoned all his courage. "I've lost my wand."

"You interrupted me during my work so I could help you find your wand because you're too much of a dunce to remember where you put it." Snape asked, raising an eyebrow at the boys nerve and wondering if someone had put him up to it.

"No, I know where it is." Harry said impatiently.

"Then I fail to see how it is lost." Snape rolled his eyes.

"I can't get it back. It’s... _inside_." Harry mumbled.

Severus fought back a smirk... the boy had tried to bugger himself with his wand. Even Snape wasn't so cold inside as to not find _that_ funny. He carefully schooled his features, composing himself before answering. "Inside _what_?" He asked sounding genuinely confused.

Harry huffed, he didn't want to say it again or spell it out for the man. "My wand I... I put it up."

"Up _what_? Up _where_? If you can't answer my questions properly I'm not going to help you." It was an empty threat, there was _no way_ he was missing a second of it.

"Up my..." Harry couldn't finish the sentence.

"Up your what?" Severus pushed, still being obstinate. "You're going to have to be more explicit Potter.

" _Up my_ _arse_!" Harry finally shouted angrily. "I put my wand up my arse!"

Snape couldn't hold back now, he laughed loudly barely managing to retain control.

"Language, Mr Potter!" He chided.

"You told me to be more explicit." Harry pointed out sardonically, crossing his arms and wondering why he ever went to Snape.

"Still, I believe I'll take ten points from Gryffindor and you swore twice so I supposed I'll take thirty."

Harry glared in rage. "That should only be twenty."

"I'm not very good at counting today." Severus shrugged.

Harry knew he wouldn't change the man's mind so stood saying nothing, fidgeting. Snape watched him back also saying nothing until he got tired of it.

"Well then, trousers and pants down then over the desk." Severus said as though this was the most normal thing in the world.

" _What_?"

"Well I presume you came for me to get it out." Severus said standing up and walking to a small box on one of the shelves. He pulled a drawer out removing something. "Unless of course you merely came to let me know. If so then by all means you are dismissed and thank you it was very amusing."

"O... Of course I want it out." Harry returned.

"Then." Severus pulled on the gloves he'd taken out of the drawer. "Trousers, pants, desk."

Grumbling Harry walked over to the desk, pulling his trousers down revealing his lack of underwear before bending over the desk.

"Going commando Potter?" Snape asked, walking over and pulling Harry's hips back a bit and squatting down, wondering what he had done to end up peering up Potter's arsehole.

"I was in a rush." Harry grit out.

"I'll bet." He replied, taking his own wand and casting a wordless Lumos. He tutted. "I can barely see it. I can see what it's left behind though." He saw several scratches Harry probably hadn't noticed since they would be relatively low on his list of problems right now. "Didn't anyone ever tell you not to put things up there. Especially things that can kill and start fires."

Harry's eyes widened, he hadn't though of that.

Severus rolled his eyes. "Relax or I'll never get it out."

"I _can't_ relax when you say things like that." Harry said through deep breaths.

He groaned and pulled Harry's cheeks apart, putting his thumbs on Harry's rim and massaging the tight ring of muscle. Harry relaxed almost immediately, his breathing speeding up.

"I hadn't expected it to be quite so far up, you _had_ been getting carried away hadn't you? I'm going to need to get some lubricant. Try not to clench."

"You're _leaving_?!"

"No, and what did I say about clenching?"

Harry forced himself to relax; he could still hear Snape moving about the room. He listened to him, feeling comforted until he felt him standing right behind him again.

"Spread you legs a bit more." He commanded and Harry complied. He gave a heavy sigh. "This will be uncomfortable and unpleasant, and hopefully will be enough of a deterrent that won't put your wand up there again."

"W… what are you going to do?" Harry asked nervously.

"I'm going to have to put my whole hand in." Severus went for the ripping the plaster off approach, figuring Harry would want to know.

"It... But it won't _fit_. It's too big!"

"You'd be surprised." Snape replied simply. "Now don't worry, I'm not just going to shove it in. I'll open you up first. Like I said uncomfortable and unpleasant but I'm not going to hurt you. If I do just scream or something, I'll probably stop."

" _Probably_ doesn't make me feel better."

"A probably is all you're getting I'm afraid." Snape shrugged, dipping his hand in the tub next to him before inserting a finger deciding to be cautious but added a second quickly.

Harry lay his head on the desk trying to imagine he wasn't naked from the waist down with a wand and his teacher’s fingers up his arse. He wriggled uncomfortably when Snape inserted a third.

"Do you mind not waving you arse in my face?" Snape sneered.

"I can't help it. I've never... not more that two." He tried to explain, blushing and attempting to catch his breath.

"Yes, well maybe if you'd just stuck to fingers we wouldn't be in this situation."

"It's not like you had much of an objection. Your first response was to bend me over a desk and shove a hand inside me." Harry grumbled, having lost the will to care by the second finger.

"I believe you'll find my first response was to laugh at your idiocy. And it wouldn't need to be a whole hand if you hadn't stuffed it so far up." He pointed out with a smirk, then added a fourth finger. Things had been going well and quick but he knew he'd have to start slowing down at this point and be more careful - he really was trying not to hurt him.

Harry gave a squeak at the fourth finger but otherwise didn't comment. He didn't speak at all, not that Severus had really expected him to but it seemed suspicious somehow. Harry bit his lips to keep a moan in. He was fairly sure he shouldn't be enjoying it but he couldn't help his growing erection. He'd been flagging, panicked and uncomfortable to be aroused - besides the feeling of something inside him just felt awkward - but the way Snape's slicked fingers were sliding in and out just felt too good.

The fingers stopped and Harry had to stop himself from moving back and fucking himself on Snape's fingers.

"Okay. I'm going to add my thumb now, it's nearly over." Snape said doing so. He'd done a good job opening Harry up and so Harry barely noticed the new addition. Just feeling a little more full, not that that was a particularly unpleasant feeling.

He was almost disappointed that it was nearly over.

Severus slowly added the rest of his hand, glad that Harry wasn't making a big fuss. He didn't think it could be pleasant having someone's - especially someone you don't really like, at all - hand inside you. He, of course, knew it was something some people liked, though he couldn't see the appeal and he assumed Harry wouldn't either.

Of course though this was probably because he was deliberately trying _not_ to look at the boy’s crotch, mainly because he understood it was a weird situation especially with your hand inside someone. He also couldn't see Harry's face flushed with arousal, his eyes hungry with desire and his mouth desperately clamped shut to keep out any unwanted moans.

Once his hand was in and he could feel the tip of Harry's wand Severus smirked. "You're like my little puppet." He sniggered.

Harry narrowed his eyes. "Shut up."

Normally Severus would have taken house points but he doubted _he'd_ be pleased if someone was teasing him while they had a hand up him so he just replied with. "Watch it or I'll put you in the trunk."

Harry pushed himself up a little so he could turn around and glare at the man.

"You know you want to say it." Snape smirked back, not in the least bothered by Harry's look.

Harry turned his head back round lying on the desk again. "I don't wanna go in the trunk." He grumbled - he _had_ wanted to say it.

"I can feel it." Severus said and Harry may have got a little excited and clenched around his hand because the man suddenly cursed. "Are you _trying_ to take my hand off?!"

"Sorry sir." Harry said, not even a little bit sorry.

"Bugger." He muttered irritably. "I can't get a hold of it."

"Why?" Harry asked through gritted teeth, hoping Snape just thought it was from the pain.

"I had to use excessive amounts of lube to get my hand in. It keeps slipping out of my grasp." He pushed further inside Harry to grab the wand further up and get a better grip - as he shifted his hand his knuckle inadvertently pressed into Harry’s prostate. A place he had purposely _not_ been touching - Harry came hard, slumping bonelessly against the desk, deciding he could be embarrassed later.

Severus said nothing but his lips curled into a smirk before he grasped the wand and pulled it out carefully. He shook his head at it then dropped it on the table next to Harry, being careful not to touch anything with his gloved hands.

He removed one glove, plucking salve from his shelf and going back over Harry who hadn't moved, not sure his legs would be able to hold him right now.

He moved when he felt fingers back inside him. only two which was too much and not enough all at once. They rubbed all around Harry's entrance and he tried wriggle away from them, the desk preventing him from going far.

"What are you _doing_?"

"It's to heal the scratches." Severus explained, he'd never know why the boy had put something sharp inside himself but he figured while he was there.

He finished healing the scratches quickly and removed his hand. Harry stood up hurriedly, pulling his trousers back up and picking up his wand. He pulled a face realising what he was touching.

"Scourgify." He turned to see Snape looking back at his pristine wand and the now clean table.

"Oh, thanks." Harry mumbled.

"Indeed. Now go, unless you have anything stuck somewhere else."

*** * ***

Harry walked into Potions nervously, worried what Snape might do. His nerves weren't soothed when the man mumbled. "I hope you're wearing underwear this time Potter." As he pulled his books out.

"We'll be brewing a lubricant today." Snape began and Harry felt the urge to kill rising.

Hermione raised her hand, barely even waiting for Snape to ignore her, before she spoke. "But sir we aren't supposed to be doing this today, last lesson you said..."

"Trust me." He cut her off. "This potion can come in very... _handy_." He directed the statement to Harry who blushed and opened his book to hide behind. "You'll need your wands for this potion. Potter, have you got _yours_?"

Harry let go of the book so as not to throw it at the man's head. "Yes. Sir." He grit out.

"Good, I know how careless you are. Especially with your wand." He said sweeping past Harry whispering the word ‘ _puppet_ ’ as he did. "And do try not to get too excited Potter. I know how you get when foolish wand playing is involved." Harry guessed the man wasn't going to forget anytime soon.

**Author's Note:**

> I should not be allowed to write at 4am because things like this happen.


End file.
